Miscues and Expired Expiration Dates

Yesterday Eric and I traveled home from a whirlwind trip to New Jersey and New York.  On the trip I realized the best part of being married is communication and the worst part of being married is, well, communication.   In an effort not to have too many expectations for what was essentially a business trip for the both of us we did not talk about what either of us had in mind during our work time or down time.   Consequently, we never really got in sync with each other.  At every turn what he thought would happen here I assumed would take place there, he thought he’d be doing this and I figured he’d be doing that.  

Overall the trip was nice, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as either of us thought it could and should have been.   You see Eric and I have always had trouble communicating with each other.  Even from the start when we met, his southern gentleman speak kept missing my California slang.  It took a few years for him to understand that my response, “I don’t care” to his questions were not meant literally and was just another way if saying, “I’m OK with that”, “that’s fine with me” and “yes”.  Fast forward 15 years and here we are on the plane, discussing what I’d rather not get into, and going back and forth about conversations that happened in the past.   It became clear that a request he made of me had an expiration date that I didn’t read.  He only meant it for that moment, where as I took it to mean the expiration date was, ‘til death do us part.  Now common sense may make one wonder why I didn’t question him to make sure, well simply put it’s because I thought I knew what he meant.  In my mind I had no reason to ask for clarification because it was clear to me.  Unfortunately, I was wrong and had been wrong for several years. 

This revelation we made on the connection from Memphis to New Orleans made us stop, reflect and feel sad.  I began to wonder how many things I’ve said with (and sometimes without) well meaning intentions, were taken wrongly.  How many detours and boundaries we created in our relationship simply through miscommunication, lack of communication, miscues and expired expiration dates.  I wondered how much joy was lost. 

I would love a do-over, not everything, just the speaking parts.  The parts that I would think, “Wow Maura, if you say that today, you and Eric may not be able to get past it for another 8 years.”  That’s the thing about communication; it doesn’t break up into the air.  It lingers for days, months, years and generations.  Words never really go away.   I can’t take them back and neither can he.  What we can do is knowing our history, commit building a better relationship with each other for the future.  Today though, if I could, I would start with, “Hi Eric, my name is Maura….”